Tag: Society

RACISM vs TRIBALISM, WE ARE ALL GUILTY!

gertrudeasumadu

 

Get ready for a LONG read. I wrote this article as a contributing writer for a Human Rights blog. I decided to put it here to engage my readers into having discussions like these.

 

Racism is defined as discrimination or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on a belief that one’s race is superior whilst tribalism is the behaviour and attitudes that stem from strong loyalty to one’s own tribe or social group.

 

Few days ago, I was having a conversation with my parents about a family friend who refused his daughter from getting married to three different men on different occasions because they are from a specific tribe in Ghana known as Ewes. The Ewes are in the Volta Region of Ghana and are believed to have originated from Togo which shares borders with Ghana in the East. The tribe is mostly known for being engaged in voodoo, in which violence is a common aspect. I have heard some stories about them which involved using voodoo against people who tend to offend them, and it works very well in the end.

 

My grandmother for instance never liked this tribe for the same reason mentioned above. She also recounts of how she lived with an Ewe family back in our hometown, in the Ashanti Region whereby they lived in the house for a long time even after their roof went off just because they wanted to ‘eliminate’ the landlord and take over the house. I found this story quite hard to believe as to why that will be the reason other than probably not affording another place of their own. Personally, I never encountered such and I felt they were lovely people and the fact that their tribe had been boxed into this type of notion does not mean I should assume the same about them.

 

I am from Ashanti Region in Ghana and according to history before the slave trade era the Asantes (the people from Ashanti Region) were very dominant and as such Ghana then was referred to as Asante Kingdom. Though we are in a different era now, the Asantes feel very superior especially when it comes to comparison of tribes in Ghana. A story my grandmother once told me which is quite hilarious was that; Once, the Asantes waged war against the Fantes. A security guard who was watching over a group of Fantes left his gun and spoke to the gun saying, ‘If anybody dares make a move, shoot him or her’. Frightened by this none of these people escaped after the guard left thinking the gun will automatically shoot once they made any attempt. One of the Fantes fearfully approach the gun and said, ‘My Lord, please do not shoot me, I am going to use the restroom and will be back immediately’. The Asantes of course laughed about this and felt that they have succeeded in making the Fantes feel worse off because of the power and respect they commanded and still commanding.

 

Back to what I was saying, my father criticised the family friend of the trauma he was putting his child through. My mother on the other hand had expressed her opinion by saying ‘Well, I don’t want anybody from such tribe in my family’. I was baffled at the kind of hypocrisy that was being displayed.

 

My parents lived in Italy for two decades before transitioning to the UK. Then and even now, they still recount instances where they were victims of racism. For instance, my father once had a disagreement with a colleague who insulted him for being a man of colour, along with other words that are unprintable. My parents had also told me a story regarding a school, close to the family home in Italy whereby a bus driver (who happened to be Senegalese) lost his job on the first day he resumed because the children were fearful of a man of colour. My mother has also experienced similar situation during her time in Italy especially during her travels to and from work. She found a continuous pattern of people not feeling comfortable sitting next to her on train due to her skin colour.

 

An eye opening moment was when I watched Oprah Winfrey inform her audience of her personal encounter; Oprah walked into a store, which belonged to a lady that happened to be Italian who had refused to sell a bag to her simply for being black or maybe she just can’t imagine the thought of a black person owning such an expensive bag…I was like what? This is just the height and I cannot believe in this 21st century, people still think and behave this way…we all have a very long way to go.

 

I only visited Italy twice whilst in Ghana and since I came to the UK, I have visited twice as well. I did not experience any sort of racism probably because I just did not pay much attention to it. Maybe if I had lived there like my parents did, I would have. And if I did, I would not know how I will respond to it.

 

My concern really lies with why people from the same country may discriminate among themselves based on the tribe one belongs to. If our fight for racism will end, then we need to build a united front. It must always start from within. Then we can start talking of racism being a canker and how we can make sure it is a thing of the past. Though the Asantes may feel superior to other tribes according to history does not  mean we cannot peacefully coexist, marry from another tribe and so on.

 

Being an Asante myself does not make me better than anybody from another tribe either Ewe or Fante for whatever reason. None of the stories I have heard justifies any form of tribalism of any sort. It all starts in the mind, practised and it is passed on from generation to generation. The same way being Italian, Spanish or whatever nationality does not make you better off than a Ghanaian, Congolese or Senegalese. I don’t know why people are racists because I have never been one, but I choose to believe it forms part of a society they grew up in. Hence, this society that is you and I should make a conscious effort to bring up our children in a way where they can see and relate to people on who they really are and not the colour of their skin. It must be dealt with from the root and that starts with the family because ‘Charity they say begins at home‘.

 

 

I hope you enjoyed this! Stay tuned for more. Have a blissful week ahead.

What Feminism is Really About (My Thoughts)

gertrudeasumadu

 

When Feminism is mentioned, I am sure one person, in particular, comes to mind….the Great Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. From a distance I have admired her and happened to listen to some of her TED Talks…the popular ones namely The Danger of a Single Story’ and ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘.

 

 

Image result for feminism

 

 

Now, I know in as much as this woman is genuinely loved by many, of course there a lot of others who hate her including women who mostly think her views on feminism are too extreme…and that she is just a sadist or looking for cheap attention…Fair enough.

 

Over the past few weeks I read three of her books including ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘, ‘The Thing Around Your Neck‘ and ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. I am yet to read her other popular books which include Half of a Yellow Sun, Purple Hibiscus, and Americanah but regarding those I have read so far, my favorite has to be ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. This is because, in my opinion, it summarises everything that has got to do with feminism.

 

The sad thing is many people including women think to be a feminist means you hate men, hate marriage or just being a rebel to all the laid down rules in our patriarchal society.

 

In the said book, Chimamanda outlines different scenarios whereby a woman is either subdued or told to do or not to do certain things just because it might scare men away (the notion that marriage is a woman’s ultimate achievement in life baffles me). For instance, she mentions a lady she knows who would not drive her nice car and would not live in her posh house just because it will make her seem unattractive or threaten a man. In her own words, ‘a man that is threatened by my achievements is the kind of man I do not want‘. Apt!

 

Another instance is…in my local parlance there is a word young girls are normally referred to known as ‘Aketesia‘ which literally means ‘Cover and hide your body for your future husband‘. This is a good thing because it encourages chastity..however, it is not the same for a young man. In fact, it is mostly applauded when a young man has numerous girlfriends but when a girl at a certain age is even seen talking to boys who are probably friends, she is tagged as a whore…In the case where a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock, she is shamed heavily forgetting that she did not have sex with herself, you then wonder, what about the guy she committed fornication with?… Our society is filled with double standards and it is just sickening….and the danger is we are so used to it that when someone (like Chimamanda) decides to rise up against these stereotypes she’s tagged all sorts of names.

 

Recently, she came under heavy backlash for saying that opening a door for a woman should not be done on the basis of seeing the woman as the weaker sex. The truth is, most people are so used to their ways of thinking and do not even want to assimilate information before giving their own opinions…hell no, some people will not even watch the full video but immediately they see a twisted caption from those bloggers who want traffic on their blogs they join others who are either frustrated or just feel the urge to insult and then do the needful.

 

The truth is we all live in a misogynistic society and we can only try to spark these conversations but then if the same women being fought for are castigating the same person airing those thoughts that they might probably have but do not have the courage to voice out…then we have a LONG WAY TO GO.

 

The truth is feminism has always been there…way back…In fact, Chimamanda mentioned that her great-grandmother was a feminist. I think many people have just started becoming vocal about it these days and it is a good start.

 

When I say I am a feminist (which as far as I am concerned has different types but I will stick to the one that I can easily identify with). I am saying I want to be treated like my male counterparts and not be shamed for the same things they are praised for…I am not saying I want to be like a man because no matter how I try I will always be a woman and a man will always be a man. However, I am saying I should not be shamed for not wanting marriage or being disrespected in a marriage and enduring all forms of abuse in it just because it is assumed I am some type of nonliving thing that has no feelings or I want to please society. If I so desire to have a child with a man and not get married, I should not be dragged to hell and back because I decided to drift from the societal norm of getting married and having babies. I want to be in control of who I have sexual intercourse with and how many. I should not be shamed for satisfying my own sexual desires when the men in question are praised for being MEN because after all, they are MEN. I should be allowed to compete with men in competitions and not be doubted for just being a different gender. In a boardroom filled with men, I should be judged based on my intellectual capacity and what I BRING TO THE TABLE and not based on my gender or whether I am capable of being there or having doubts as to whether I got there through my intellectual ability or ‘sleeping my way through’. When a position is available and I qualify and my male counterpart does not, I should not be cheated out of it with the excuse that it is a man’s world or a woman cannot lead a group of men or whatever but rather be given that opportunity because I earned it and deserve it.

 

The next time as a man or woman you feel the urge to trash feminism, think of a world whereby yourself, your daughters or the women in your generation will continually be oppressed just because they are labeled as an unfortunate or a weaker sex…as if being a woman is an abomination. Let me chip this in here, I know some people misconstrue what feminism is and misinterpret it to disrespect men or not having any regard for them which is NOT what it is about…

 

Feminism says YES to Inclusivity and NO to discrimination against women.

 

I hope you enjoyed this post. Have a blessed week and Stay tuned for more

The Comparison Game: Is It Necessary?

gertrudeasumadu

Hi everyone, hope y’all doing well.  I have been quite busy in the few weeks and apologies for the ‘not so long’ break. So for today, I would like to talk about one area in life where we all at times knowingly or unknowingly fall short which is ‘The Comparison Game’.

So, I will first state my opinion that, in most cases, nothing is gained from comparing yourself to others. This is because, we need to understand that everyone is different and as such we all have different destinies and journeys in life…I think if most people had accepted this fact, then there will be no need for this blog at all…but in this case it is.

If you grew up in an African home or society, it is very unlikely you will not be compared to either your siblings or your friends…and some parents thought that was the right thing to do in view of letting you know you were ‘slacking’ and you needed to back up. I remember one time my granny compared me to a girl in my class who was always first when I brought my end of term report home and I had the 2nd position. She said ‘Why can’t you too be first….what is soo special about her that she always takes the 1st position and you can’t?…(Some parents may even add, does that person have two heads…lol!).  I was really hurt because you see in my head, I was not competing with anybody. I was just doing my best and apparently it was not good enough…so I had to be reminded about the fact that someone was practically better off than me because they were always 1st. You know, I am not blaming my granny for her opinion because I know deep down, she wanted nothing but the best for me. What I had a problem with was the act itself which she may or may not know the consequence it may have had on me.

The truth is you are always compared to someone when that person is ‘seemingly’ doing better than you are. And honestly, that dampens one’s spirit..but this is mostly not considered by the person doing the comparison. Someone who is not very strong willed may resort to being jealous or envious of the other party instead of probably appreciating what they have and learning to be content with what they have and the season they are in. Others resort to silent and unnecessary competitions with the other party which normally yields no results. When that happens, you have allowed the situation to control you instead of controlling the situation with resilience, hardwork and appreciating the season you are in. For instance let’s say two friends graduated at the same time in university at the age of 23….By the age of 30, one of them has been very successful in terms of career, married with children and you know, life looks very good. The other friend however, has not even managed to secure a job yet not to talk of getting married or anything of that sort. In a typical society this friend who has not ‘made it’ yet will be made to feel bad in the light of his friend’s success. Though done ignorantly, it is up to the victim to understand that he is in his time zone and thus the fact that he is not where he wants to be yet does not make him a failure. Recently, a friend sent me a video describing the different time zones in life using different states in US as an example. The fact that let’s say California is ahead of New York does not make New York any better off….both are in their own time zones. And that is applicable to human life as well.

It almost looks like comparison cannot be eliminated from our society. ..because there are always expectations as to where someone should be and how they should have gotten there and what not. Upon realising that, it is up to each and everyone of us to be content with whatever season we are in now. We need to blind our eyes and ears to what we heard someone has achieved or what another person put on social media. I have said this in a previous blog and I will say it again that people only put what they want you to see on social media…..so don’ t get all worked up when everything seems to be going on well for another person according to what they put on their facebook. IG or snapchat. They are in their own time zone, it is their time to achieve whatever they are achieving…when it is your own time, you will also get yours! As simple as that…

One thing that comparison also does is it does not allow us to appreciate the good things you are enjoying at the moment. It dangerously lets you use someone else’s life as a mirror to yours. Such that in your mind that person becomes some sort of ‘god’ in your life and your standards must always be up to theirs. How SILLY! If not anything, being alive is worth much more and that should give you hope that it can only be better. Between the time you are working to get that job, money, promotion, visa, child, marriage or whatever it is and the time you get it, ask God to allow you to be focused in your own lane and more importantly, master what you have to learn in that season in order to fully embrace and appreciate whatever you want when it finally comes.

The only case where comparison is justified is when you are comparing your today self with your yesterday self. In that manner, you will be able to learn from your mistakes, be able to make better choices in the future….all in the bid to become a better person for you…At the end of our journeys in life, the essential part is to become better versions of ourselves and NEVER stop growing.

Thanks for reading. Hope you picked one or two from this. Please let me know your thoughts in the comments section. God Bless.

Domestic Violence: What. How. Why.

gertrudeasumadu

Hi everyone, welcome to the month of May. May God provide all your needs according to His riches and glory. Amen.

I was not planning to talk about this…at least not for now. But then, for some reason, I have been ‘forced’ to talk about it. The reason being that a lot of marriages breaking down these days (the ones I have read and seen and heard on social media) is due to domestic violence.

Now, let us briefly talk about what domestic violence is all about. Firstly, Violence comes in many forms. That is one thing we need to be clear about from the onset. It could be done emotionally, psychologically, physically, verbally among others. But normally, when we mention domestic violence our attention is drawn to the physical form of abuse which is ‘hitting or beating’ either of the spouse which is my focus today.

Recently, I was having a conversation with a group of friends when the issue of domestic violence came up. The focus of the conversation was that some women were the reason behind the abuse they suffer because they cannot control their ‘mouth’. Examples were even given of how some women verbally abused their husbands which in this case justifies abuse meted out to the wives. Of course, I disagreed with them. What we need to understand is that your wife or husband is not your child, he or she is rather your partner and as such should be treated as such! Of course I am not saying it is okay for a woman or a man to insult their spouses knowing fully well it is not the right thing to do. But I will also never find any tangible reason to justify any form of abuse.

So back to the conversation I was having with my friends…I told them that look…every kind of problem has a form of solution. But first of all what will lead us there? What causes us to get to the point where we have to raise our hands at each other? I have read many interesting points. I just mentioned one about either of the spouse insulting the other. Recently, the story of one Nigerian actress has gone viral on social media and amongst the rumours going round is that the husband beat her almost to death because she was caught cheating or better still she has been cheating. Now cheating (adultery) is NOT right. Infact it is a sin as stated clearly in the bible and also ONE of the reasons whereby divorce is permitted as stated in the Bible (unless you are willing to settle your differences). So assuming this is true, why would you think beating your cheating wife is the solution to the ‘cheating problem?’ Will the beating undo what has been done in the past?’ Will it make the situation any better?’ NO…it won’t.

There is a saying that goes…’If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen’! It’s that simple. If you can’t stand a cheating spouse….divorce him or her. If you can’t stand the constant ‘insults’ you receive from your spouse…see if there is a way of fixing things like counselling or something. If it looks like it is ‘unfixable’, go your separate ways. I am not in anyway advocating for divorce at the slightest issue but honestly it is better that way than all these stories of domestic violence we are seeing on social media almost everyday! Because think about it…nobody wants to die early! Especially dying unfulfilled. Nobody goes into marriage to die but unfortunately many people especially women have died as a result of domestic violence. It really breaks my heart to see gory pictures on social media…Like My GOD!

You see, people say…you think it’s that easy to leave…it’s not that easy. But is it worth your life?…Just think about it. Many women also think about society will say. Especially in Africa where a woman’s worth is determined through her ability to maintain her marriage…but the last time I checked…marriage is not only for the woman but the man as well (It is a partnership). A woman is mocked for leaving an abusive marriage. As portrayed even in our movies, you find telling some parents telling their daughters…’You better go back to your husband’s house, no matter what he did he is still your husband’ without even trying to reason with you. HOW PATHETIC. This especially has given some men the upper hand to continue in the monstrous act of abusing.

The welfare of the children should even be an issue of concern. Why would you want to raise your children in an abusive home? I watched a movie where the couple lost their daughter in one of their usual fights when the man was on top of the woman beating her mercilessly only for the girl to be stabbed by a knife that was positioned upright. SMH. Apart from this, it is most likely that children who grow up in abusive homes end up being abusive in their future marriages. Thus, if we as a society do not treat this subject seriously this will become a never ending vicious cycle which will mar the next generation. The excuse given by some women that I have heard is ‘How will I be able to take care of the children?’ ‘Where do I start from? My sister…..START FROM SOMEWHERE! It is better to raise you children in a peaceful environment where they may not get access to all they want than to live in plenty but not have INNER PEACE…INNER PEACE is EVERYTHING! This is the reason why it is important for women to have a career going on and be financially independent of some sort before and in marriage so that in case of such incidents, they are not left stranded.

This may not be applicable to everyone’s case as I have heard things like ‘What if he changed after marriage?’ But one thing I have come to learn and understand is that nothing really changes in marriage. Whatever you saw in the person during courtship is amplified in marriage especially because you live together now. Thus, if you remain in a relationship with a man who slaps you at the slightest provocation, gets angry over trivial issues or shows signs of violence and you think you can change him, then GOODLUCK. The funny thing is when some women see such signs yet they still hold on and think they can manage. IT WILL BE WORSE IN MARRIAGE. Run for your life! People hardly change after marriage…however, if there is the case where genuinely the person was not violent before and all of a sudden became like that afterwards, then there is a PROBLEM which needs to be resolved. This is when you can get to the root cause of the problem and then seek ways to change it…because he is not like that…not the one you already saw signs of violence but got carried away by riches and fame and now wanting change for him.

I watched a video on Instagram today where one guy was talking about domestic violence and he said ‘There are many mad men who are rich’. Well, this is because most women today are attracted to material things other than the content of the person’s character. That is the reason why we women need to be watchful and very prayerful in the season of courtship and not end up marrying a beast in a human body. I have heard some men say they also suffer from domestic violence and that is mostly not talked about because they will be mocked as not being men enough. Well that is a silly thing to say because like I said whether man or woman, domestic violence is not justified in anyway. But this post is centred on women because truthfully, they are the ones who are mostly the victims of domestic violence.

I would like to end with the fact that I am very happy that many people especially celebrities are coming out these days to talk about their experiences of domestic violence. At least it gives their followers who may be going through such the feeling that they are not alone; encouraging them to speak up! At least we are getting somewhere. I also wish law enforcement is tighter on such issues. Whoever is responsible for domestic violence should be dealt with by the law! PERIOD!

 

Thanks for Reading. Please Let me Know Your Thoughts in the Comments Section.