In our world today, one of the easiest ways to be referred to as a role model is to be popular on social media or a celebrity. So most times, when you ask young people who their role models are, you will hear names of actors, musicians, TV/Radio personalities, footballers among others.
Personally, I DO NOT have a role model…not that I do not have people I admire and would like to meet some day….of course a few come to mind which include Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Malala Yousafzai among others. But they are not my role models.
Now, let us look at the definition of a role model…’a person looked to by others as an example to be imitated.’ A role model is normally a person who is believed to have built a good career for themselves to a point whereby they seem to influence a lot of people especially young people. The word ‘imitated‘ is what makes me a bit uneasy.
I believe that you always do not know the full story so you cannot authoritatively say you want to be like someone or you want to imitate their ways..because trust me, most times, you cannot walk half a mile in their shoes…meaning you love them and look up to them for their result or present and not necessarily the process. But who is to blame? Then I say, define who a role model is for yourself!
One other thing too is that many young people tend to idolise these human beings referred to as ‘role models’ and that is dangerous. The fact still remains these people no matter their achievements or awesomeness are still human beings and because of that are fallible! So, imagine your idolised role model does something really scandalous….because you put this person on a very high pedestal….you feel disappointed and whether you believe it or not it will have an effect on your person. Because it is like the most important person in your life is not who you thought they were…THEY HAVE FAILED YOU!
But remember the fact that they are your role model does not stop them from being human beings…They are NOT accountable to you for no reason whatsoever! Recently, a Ghanaian actress was heavily accused of having a child outside wedlock and among some of the comments I saw, some people expressed their disappointment that what kind of example is she teaching the younger generation for doing such bla bla bla…I was pissed to be honest…like how do you tell a full grown adult how to live their lives because they are supposed to be role models to the youth….They never called themselves role models in the first place….They just happened to have found themselves in a profession which puts them out there all the time…that does not mean they should stop LIVING!
Funny enough, put these same people fond of criticism in the spotlight and they will do all sorts of things yet castigate someone for not being ‘a proper role model‘ to the youth.
I am not saying do not have role models….but be careful how you place them in your lives before you end up being disappointed because they failed to live up to the expectations you have placed upon them. A role model should inspire you to be better or achieve your dreams and that ALONE should be their essence to you…How they choose to live their personal lives should not be your CUP OF TEA.
*ROLE MODELS NOT DEMI GODS*
I hope you enjoyed today’s blogpost. Let me know your thoughts! Happy new months in advance! Cheers to a fruitful August.
I have had this conversation with my friend, Brenda, for a while now and yesterday I happen to have seen a post on Instagram addressing the same issue…The video was basically talking about the fact that most women empowerment programmes were a sham and added little or no value to women….
From a personal experience, I believe that most of these programs reinforce the saying ‘Talk is Cheap’. When it comes to ‘motivating’ or ‘encouraging’ people, many of the so-called ‘self-made’ females and those at the top can go and on and on for hours but at the end of the day….the impact is zero! What is the point of paying to attend a Women Empowerment Program when I will just be hearing the same old quotes of ‘Never Give Up‘, ‘Your Dreams are Valid‘. ‘When you eventually get to the top, send the elevator down‘ bla bla bla when you would not give these attendees tangible resources, referrals or connections to push them closer to their goals….
This is far from being entitled..because I know that could also creep in sometimes. However, I believe that you cannot call yourself a women empowerment advocate or anchor these programmes and then all you do is talk. Yes, sometimes people need motivational speeches and talks, but if that was just it, they could sit in their houses and watch tons of youtube videos or read books and then be fine. But for them to pay to attend an event means they want more…Even if it is for free, the time invested in attending that event should be considered. What opportunities can you create for them using your platform so they can pursue their dreams too? How can you connect them with people within your network who can advise them on different subject areas of interest? Until you have done these and even more, then you are not empowering anyone!
It is even very heart wrenching when I see some of these programs charge a lot of money especially considering the fact that it targets fresh graduates or university students…Must empowerment come with such a high price tag? Then at the end of the day, who are we really empowering? Only those who can afford? I have also seen some of these programs which are ‘strictly by invitation‘ and then I wonder….What is the point then if empowerment is not accessible to ALL? Why put restrictions and boundaries if we want to ensure that every young woman pursues their dreams and end up being an invaluable asset to society?
Moreover, I mostly see women in the same industry promoting the works of their female colleagues which is commendable. My only concern is from there what next? Do you actually pay to see their work? Do you actually talk about in secret the same way you do in public? Or you just want to fall under the category #womensupportingwomen and that is it. Anytime I hear that phrase that ‘Women are their own enemies‘ I kinda believe it. Why? Because it is a fellow woman who will knowingly date a married man, hence, causing another woman pain in her matrimonial home, a woman will troll her fellow woman because of a pic she put up on her social media platform and feel good about it. A woman will judge her fellow woman harshly in a case which involves a man without even thinking twice….Need I say more?
I believe we all need to do better…Women Empowerment should not just be a tag or a badge we wear so highly but an action we all should be ready to partake in…that is if we are so passionate about it!
Just to put this here initially, this is not a ‘professional’ critique or a movie review but what I thought of the film and how it is applicable to real life. *I will try not to give too many spoilers for those who have not seen it yet*
So about a few months ago, I heard of a new movie titled Acrimony by Tyler Perry which of course stars the amazing Taraji P Henson (Cookie!!!). I am not really a fan of Hollywood movies (yes! I do African movies mostly Nollywood), but in the past year, I have enjoyed amazing Hollywood movies like Wonder Woman, Fences, Get Out, Hidden Figures, Spotlight and Beauty and the Beast and series such as Empire, and Black Ish.
Official Poster of Acrimony
Acrimony is a movie about a young girl who falls in love with a young man in college. At the beginning of their relationship, the young girl (Taraji’s character, Melinda) lost her mum and of course was vulnerable and in a very naive girl’ s way of healing or better put feeling loved, found solace in her boyfriend (Lyriq Bent’s character, Robert). This led her to make huge sacrifices for her new found love which included paying for the rest of his college fees (from her late mother’s will to her), putting her late mother’s house on sale to help them through the hard times, being the sole breadwinner for years whilst Robert was struggling to fund his Gayle Power force idea (essentially jobless)….. The last thing that broke the camel’s back was when Robert rejected an offer which could have helped their financial status at the moment….Melinda had been drained financially, physically, emotionally and all sorts and could not take it anymore…DIVORCE she wanted! Now, as unpredictable as life is, Robert finally got a huge deal for his Gayle Power Force innovation and hey, another woman was to enjoy all that he promised Melinda after all those years of suffering. Though heavily compensated, will Melinda have another woman ‘REAP’ where she did not sow?? Your guess is as good as mine!
Now, I know everyone will have their own interpretation of this but from my own point of view, I have always said it and will always stand by it that ‘Be careful how you interpret love to your beloved in terms of the sacrifices you make – You may never reap the way you expect to‘. What do I mean? First of all, Melinda started a relationship in college/university…at an age where she was probably still trying to find herself. Eventually, she found someone who probably came in just about the right time…she was grieving…needed someone to help her forget about what she was going through at the time (an escape from reality). Due to this, she was ever ready to do anything in her power to make that relationship work… Robert saw this and tapped into the riches her late mum had left her (call it helping but I see it as a smart man who did not want to waste chances, well not an entirely bad thing). Hear me out!
Personally, I would not disclose every personal bit about me especially at the early stages of a relationship…It is called WISDOM. I don’t know but they say Love makes people do foolish things but I think it is a personal choice to be foolish and not as a result of love…Loving someone does not mean be foolish.
In my honest opinion, Melinda was foolish and that was something that could have been easily dealt with from the very beginning..In fact, she would not even listen to her sisters (especially a broke ass nigga you are helping who cheated on you…and you go ahead to marry him? Ah well!)
Now, Robert, on the other hand, was not an entirely bad person…I mean nobody is entirely a BAD person, it depends on which angle or perspective you decide to look at them from. He initially had a dream of building a battery, Gayle Power force which will rake billions when he finally hits. I mean despite the horrible financial situation they found themselves in after their very early marriage, being at home all day whilst Melinda alone works two jobs, he still worked hard at this battery and at a time where their dream could materialise, he decided to reject an 800,000 dollar cheque believing that the idea was worth more than that! I mean how!!! Everyone around him was telling him to take it but headstrong he didn’t! I believe Robert is a victim of circumstance and although he could have saved his marriage there and then by taking that money (which meant losing his IP over the innovation) and then making other investments which could bring in more money, he weighed the pros and cons and still decided to hope for the best.
We have all been there…That time in your life when there is a very good deal on offer but you trust that you deserve better and as such decide to hope for the best instead of just taking what is hot at the moment. We cant categorically, say Robert made a mistake by suffering a divorce as a result of hoping for the best which he thinks is entitled to…And we cannot also say Melinda was wrong for not standing with him till his innovation raked in those billions hence translating to the life he always promised her. I believe at such critical stages everyone is entitled to their own decision and should be respected for that…of course, no matter how the consequences turn out, one should be willing to face it but this was not the same for Melinda,
The main reason, I do not encourage investing in a man especially in the early stages of a relationship is ‘there is always an expectation that, his plans are supposed to work out especially within a specified frame of time and when that does not happen, it only leads to anger, bitterness, regret and all sorts just like in the case of Melinda’. What if this man decides to move on after he blows or you probably decide to move on too…what if, just what if…The expectations….always bring the problems…
In the case of Melinda, she got compensated for all she spent on Robert (a cheque) but of course, she lost him to another woman coupled with all the other things she dreamt of enjoying with him…She then realized another woman will be reaping off her investments…Not possible! She had to fight back and oh she diiidd!! But to what end? You need to watch to find out for yourself!
I can go on and on but things like these happen most times in societies and I have heard similar stories. My thing is just do not invest in any man or even woman with the expectation that you are entitled to his or her money or having the person to yourself for the rest of their lives. This is life! People grow up, realize they want better, decide to move on…whatever….Just do not put all your eggs in one basket to avoid stories that TOUCH! #invesatyourownrisk, ‘investwithouttoomuchexpectations, #irrespectiveof everythingnobodyowesyouanything.
I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Have you seen the movie? What do you think of it? Who was right, who was wrong? If you were Melinda would you feel cheated? If you were Robert how would deal with the whole situation? Did you like how the movie ended? Let me know your thoughts in the comment section.
I have actually thought of doing movie reviews too..because I watch a lot of movies actually, well Nollywood movies…so maybe I would. Watch this space!
When Feminism is mentioned, I am sure one person, in particular, comes to mind….the Great Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. From a distance I have admired her and happened to listen to some of her TED Talks…the popular ones namely The Danger of a Single Story’ and ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘.
Now, I know in as much as this woman is genuinely loved by many, of course there a lot of others who hate her including women who mostly think her views on feminism are too extreme…and that she is just a sadist or looking for cheap attention…Fair enough.
Over the past few weeks I read three of her books including ‘We Should All Be Feminists‘, ‘The Thing Around Your Neck‘ and ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. I am yet to read her other popular books which include Half of a Yellow Sun, Purple Hibiscus, and Americanah but regarding those I have read so far, my favorite has to be ‘Dear Ijeawale or a Feminist Manifesto in Fifteen Suggestions‘. This is because, in my opinion, it summarises everything that has got to do with feminism.
The sad thing is many people including women think to be a feminist means you hate men, hate marriage or just being a rebel to all the laid down rules in our patriarchal society.
In the said book, Chimamanda outlines different scenarios whereby a woman is either subdued or told to do or not to do certain things just because it might scare men away (the notion that marriage is a woman’s ultimate achievement in life baffles me). For instance, she mentions a lady she knows who would not drive her nice car and would not live in her posh house just because it will make her seem unattractive or threaten a man. In her own words, ‘a man that is threatened by my achievements is the kind of man I do not want‘. Apt!
Another instance is…in my local parlance there is a word young girls are normally referred to known as ‘Aketesia‘ which literally means ‘Cover and hide your body for your future husband‘. This is a good thing because it encourages chastity..however, it is not the same for a young man. In fact, it is mostly applauded when a young man has numerous girlfriends but when a girl at a certain age is even seen talking to boys who are probably friends, she is tagged as a whore…In the case where a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock, she is shamed heavily forgetting that she did not have sex with herself, you then wonder, what about the guy she committed fornication with?… Our society is filled with double standards and it is just sickening….and the danger is we are so used to it that when someone (like Chimamanda) decides to rise up against these stereotypes she’s tagged all sorts of names.
Recently, she came under heavy backlash for saying that opening a door for a woman should not be done on the basis of seeing the woman as the weaker sex. The truth is, most people are so used to their ways of thinking and do not even want to assimilate information before giving their own opinions…hell no, some people will not even watch the full video but immediately they see a twisted caption from those bloggers who want traffic on their blogs they join others who are either frustrated or just feel the urge to insult and then do the needful.
The truth is we all live in a misogynistic society and we can only try to spark these conversations but then if the same women being fought for are castigating the same person airing those thoughts that they might probably have but do not have the courage to voice out…then we have a LONG WAY TO GO.
The truth is feminism has always been there…way back…In fact, Chimamanda mentioned that her great-grandmother was a feminist. I think many people have just started becoming vocal about it these days and it is a good start.
When I say I am a feminist (which as far as I am concerned has different types but I will stick to the one that I can easily identify with). I am saying I want to be treated like my male counterparts and not be shamed for the same things they are praised for…I am not saying I want to be like a man because no matter how I try I will always be a woman and a man will always be a man. However, I am saying I should not be shamed for not wanting marriage or being disrespected in a marriage and enduring all forms of abuse in it just because it is assumed I am some type of nonliving thing that has no feelings or I want to please society. If I so desire to have a child with a man and not get married, I should not be dragged to hell and back because I decided to drift from the societal norm of getting married and having babies. I want to be in control of who I have sexual intercourse with and how many. I should not be shamed for satisfying my own sexual desires when the men in question are praised for being MEN because after all, they are MEN. I should be allowed to compete with men in competitions and not be doubted for just being a different gender. In a boardroom filled with men, I should be judged based on my intellectual capacity and what I BRING TO THE TABLE and not based on my gender or whether I am capable of being there or having doubts as to whether I got there through my intellectual ability or ‘sleeping my way through’. When a position is available and I qualify and my male counterpart does not, I should not be cheated out of it with the excuse that it is a man’s world or a woman cannot lead a group of men or whatever but rather be given that opportunity because I earned it and deserve it.
The next time as a man or woman you feel the urge to trash feminism, think of a world whereby yourself, your daughters or the women in your generation will continually be oppressed just because they are labeled as an unfortunate or a weaker sex…as if being a woman is an abomination. Let me chip this in here, I know some people misconstrue what feminism is and misinterpret it to disrespect men or not having any regard for them which is NOT what it is about…
Feminism says YES to Inclusivity and NO to discrimination against women.
I hope you enjoyed this post. Have a blessed week and Stay tuned for more
I was actually not blogging today…but it just hit me that I am supposed to be celebrating an anniversary today, an important one at that (I normally don’t do this but I just decided to put this here…)
6 years ago, I arrived in the UK from Ghana a month and two weeks after leaving secondary school. This time round, it was not for a vacation (well, it kind of was initially) .I do not even want to talk about the journey from Ghana to UK, because it is actually the worst travel experience I have ever had! SMH. I do not want to spoil the market of the airline in question so I would keep that out. The best thing is I happen to have met a ‘guardian angel’ who made things far better. Good people still exist yanno!
One of the main reasons or the main reason actually I came to the UK was to continue my studies; that is to the tertiary level. I was excited of course but was wondering how it was going to be…there were some expectations you know….
From September 2012 to July 2016 (my period in university) I would say was a very interesting phase in my life. I learned soo much about myself and damn life also taught me soo much…In fact everyone around me taught me something that I will never forget…the good, the bad and the VERY ugly! I think these are some of the experiences that properly shaped me into adulthood and made me also see certain things from different perspectives. So, despite how difficult that moment was I will always appreciate those lessons because without them, I would not be where and who I am today.
Reminiscing, I am also thankful that I have discovered myself, my purpose and still in the purpose of discovering more each and every day and happened to have done that in a foreign land. I then realised that sometimes you find yourself at a place other than your own country or where you are used to. So, I am thankful to God for placing me at this land and also to my parents for making that happen.
Two years after the said purpose I came here for, it has also been an interesitng journey SO FAR; the expectations, the failures, rejections, the rediscovery among others…But this is what life is meant to be like…whatever it throws at you, you learn through it, grow and move on.
I am proud of the woman I have become and where God is taking me. He has done so much for me these past 6 years and there is more being done and more to come! I am thankful for all the experiences and the explorations! Cheers to his goodness, mercies and favour in the coming years.
P.S. Damn! I miss Ghana so much…..and I can’t wait to be BACK! Despite everything, there is no PLACE like HOME…(a place you grew up and had many memories and experiences with friends and family).
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO ME!
Have an amazing weekend y’all! Stay tuned for more in the weeks to come 🙂
Growing up in an African home, it almost always seems like your parents are doing you a favor by providing your basic needs…(something they are actually responsible for) for example sending you to a good school, ensuring you are well fed, clothed, sheltered, emotionally, psychologically and physically great.
I am not yet a parent but when eventually, I become, it must come from a place whereby I am ready to bear all the responsibilities that come with it because trust me I know parenting can be hard. Growing up especially in school, I saw my parents, pay school fees, buy clothes and other accessories, money for upkeep, books, travel among others. I mean there was a LOT OF SPENDING. Of course, I am not the only child but even if I was, that is still a lot of money being invested in me. I appreciate my parents for all the sacrifices because trust me it may sometimes be hard for them but they made sure I never lacked anything…
However, I am sure before considering bringing me into this world, they must have thought it through and considered the costs associated with raising a child. Not just the money aspect but being emotionally, psychologically and even physically prepared to bring another human into the world. I mean that is the wisest thing to do, right?
My parents have done an amazing job of raising me, however, sometimes I am a little concerned with some of the things they say especially when I needed something from them. I have had conversations with friends and apparently, it is like that almost in every home. You hear things like ‘When I was your age, I used to go to the farm before going to school’ or ‘I used to walk barefooted or wear tattered shoes to school’, or ‘I used to eat once a day and drink lots of water and that was it’ and all sorts of things that make you feel that perhaps it was your fault they had a not so appealing childhood life or you are being done a huge favour for not having to go through the same things that they went through. Of course, it is an unfortunate thing which I sympathize with them but when it sounds like you are always rubbing it in, then it begins to sound like a broken record!…. Like….yeah…there we go again!
Not that our parents lie because I understand that in those days, many families had to struggle to make ends meet and most of our parents had to help by either going to the farm before going to school and then come back and help sell some of the produce in the market after school or during the weekend. My mum will tell me of how she used to sell items all throughout her schooling with some sort of support from her parents, grandparents and some extended family members. When I compare, my childhood to hers, of course, I had a better one than she did.
However, one thing I always say is that though my parents did well in providing for me, I will make sure my children have a better experience than I did…and also try not to make it sound like ‘You do not deserve it but I will provide for you anyways’…
So, Dear African Parents (especially). we appreciate your support throughout all these years and we sympathize with the rough childhood experience most of you seemed to have had, however, please do not take the blame on us…we have just been fortunate to not have been through that experience which of course is NO fault of ours…You probably had to go through that so that we may have better experiences. However, this does not take the fact away that you are RESPONSIBLE for our needs (unless we reach an adult stage where we start taking care of our own needs)…so I know it can be hard looking at what we are getting or got compared to what you got, but please do not take the frustration on us… 😦
We wish it was just like ours or even better but there is nothing that can be done about it.
As your children, we, of course, appreciate everything you have done and continue to do for us because we understand your struggles in performing your duties as parents…but I guess that is one of the crosses you have to bear for bringing us into this very tough world. Especially as there are some parents who do not even make an effort to provide for their children thus leaving them to fend for themselves….Those are the ones who probably see parenting as a HUGE FAVOUR or better still BURDEN which they were not ready for. Sigh!
In a nutshell, Parenting is TOUGH…It is a responsibility on its own, a HUGE ONE. And only those who are READY for it should start thinking of having children (whether married or unmarried) but in the case where you are ready or aren’t, is a choice to be made. Eventually, when the responsibilities kick off, just be ready to face it…The children are innocent and should not be blamed for anything at all…They can only be grateful and appreciate that they are parents are being RESPONSIBLE…an attribute they can learn from, hence doing same when they also become parents.
I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Stay tuned for more. Happy new month everyone! May this new month bring answers to all your prayers and may the other half of the year exceed all your expectations.
Truth be told, most people do not like reading…the reason, I do not know…probably because it was not a skill cultivated whilst growing up thus they just did not fancy it. For some people, even though it was part of them when they were growing up, after a while, they just did not find it interesting anymore..
Whatever category you may fall into, I doubt reading should not be something that should be considered an option or up for debate. As a human being, it is paramount that you gain knowledge and one of the ways to do so is to read and NEVER stop reading!
When I was in secondary school. we were given books to read every time we were on vacation. Sometimes, we were tested to see whether we actually read the books or not, other times too we were not. In the beginning, I struggled to keep up because I found some of the books boring and as such did not see the point of reading them at all. However as time went on, I decided to let go of that notion and just read to learn something new, a new word and if I am fortunate, be entertained that is if the book is interesting. This really helped as I have grown to become a person who is always seeking knowledge from various journals, articles (online or print) among others to expand my knowledge base. Consequently, I have learned new things, challenged my thought process in many ways because I CHOSE to read.
Fast forward to the present, I find myself buying books to read and even recommending it to others to grab a copy too. I also download a couple online sometimes, though I prefer hard copies in the end, it boils down to gaining knowledge.
This year, in particular, one of my goals was to read a book per month and so far, I have done that so well through discipline (because at most times I was lazy). The books I have read so far which I will recommend include; Children of Blood and Bone by Tomi Adeyemi, Soar by T.D. Jakes, The Hollywood Commandments by Devon Franklin, The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman, Silent Seasons by Heather Lindsey, Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath, Rich Dad, Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki and Sharon Lechter. I am in the process of finishing The Richest Man in Babylon by George Clason. For the next 6 months, I will be reading books by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (Americanah, Half of a Yellow Sun, Purple Hibiscus, We Should All Be Feminists, Dear Ijeawale/a Feminist Manifesto in 15 Suggestions, The Thing Around Your Neck, among others), Think & Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k and any other books I find interesting.
If you are wondering how you could get books to read for free online, below are some websites I shared with my mentees a few weeks ago which I believe you might find useful too;
I hope you find them useful! Never stop reading. Seek knowledge for Knowledge is Power. Have an awesome Reading Time (You have to cultivate it or else it will look like a Herculean task).
Thanks for reading. If you have any website in mind for free downloadable books, please share in the comment section. If you have any interesting book you are currently reading or have read, please feel free to share and I will check it out.
If you are very active on social media, then you should have heard the famous word ‘Clapback‘….I doubt there is an ‘official’ meaning for the word but with regard to my own understanding, it is when someone goes in hard on someone who tried to insult them or humiliate them (whether with a post or comment etc) with the intent of making them feel the way they felt or even worse of!
Before the advent of social media or even outside social media into the real world, clapping back is when you say things like ‘I gave it to her‘ or ‘I gave her a piece of my mind‘! and all sorts…
I have seen many people clap back and others who have been clapped back at and mostly, this is what makes social media interesting…in some people’s opinions…
Personally, I do not enegage in such things and even if I have to…NOT on Social Media. I have come to realise that I am building a brand and as such whatever I say or do especially online reflects my values and principles as a person. Thus, when I leave a harmless comment on a post (which I hardly do unless I am tagging a friend to laugh with) and then someone chooses to make a derogatory comment, I CHOOSE to ignore the person because in my opinion, they do not deserve my reply or attention. It is a PERSONAL thing and I will ALWAYS stand by that.
I remember some time ago, I used to tag this friend of mine whenever I see a funny post on Instagram then we laugh about it and vice versa. Then one time someone replied to my comment that he always sees me tagging this particular friend of mine bla bla and it seems we are under every post…I was pissed but at that moment I had so many nasty things I wanted to say but I controlled my emotions and ignored him…However, the friend I tagged under that particular post DIDN’T, she CLAPPED BACK…which was a good thing for her…she did not use any nasty words but she put him in his place….That is fair enough.
However, I have a problem when people go all the way out to say all manners of things trying to defend their point or trying to win others to their side..Totally unecessary in my opinion.
Throwing shade, another form of clapback is also very common these days. I am of the opinion that, if you have a problem with someone, with regard to something they said or they did, there is no need to stylishly attack them in cringeworthy posts trying to win others to your side or sound like the better person….hence being all emotional. You have their number, call them or message them and let them know how you feel about what they did and like ADULTS, settle your scores then life goes on. If that does not yield any fruit too, at least you tried. Coming online to vent in my opinion is useless…because the person might not even know you are referring to them or might even not regard it….But again what do I know?
This cycle, I am confident will never end because people will always ‘not mind their business’ and people who feel the need to put people on a blast will then respond again and again and again. I always say this Social Media of a thing is not that serious so people should take it easy.
Employers these days will search for you across all social media platform and the internet and like they say, ‘The Internet never forgets‘….That nasty comment or clapback you left for someone in order to be crowned king or queen of shade/clapback three years ago would suffice after a google search….How will you then defend yourself?
I am not saying you should allow people trample over you just because you want to appear decent online but I am saying before you leave any comment, post anything or clapback, Ask yourself that after a few hours or days will I still be mad at this person? Will it really matter in the next 3 hours or days? Do I even have to respond? Does this person deserve this attention I am about to give to them?
And to those who have made it a point to troll others online all in the name of being funny or sarcastic or whatever, just imagine if it were you. how would you feel? Let us not think that others do not have feelings and hence attack them from any angle we want even when they did not do anything to warrant that.
Social Media should not make you a KeyPad Warrior, a Cyber Bully or a Beast in a Human Body.
I hope you enjoyed today’s post. Let me know what you think. Have you ever had to clapback at someone? If so, how did you handle the situation?
Precious Chidera, a guest contributor shares her thoughts on how society made her see singlehood as a trap EVERY single woman must escape before the age of 30 and how she realized she was NOT bound to those perceptions. I hope you enjoy her story.
My people perish for lack of knowledge as written in the Holy Book could not have been put better especially when it comes to some misconceptions in our society today. Growing up in my country, Nigeria, I had a lot of wrong perceptions about life specifically ‘being single’. I found myself in a society where a single lady or man that is above the age of 30, is seen as hopeless, frustrated, and incomplete. I realized that the stigmatization pertained more to the ladies who were mostly referred to as worthless, unmarriageable and mostly facing spiritual problems that needed cleansing or perhaps prayers.
I know I wasn’t the only one with this wrong perception. This sort of society’s culture of shame and disparagement towards women made a lot of ladies have little or no self-esteem for themselves once they get to a certain age and are still single. As I grew older, my perception of singlehood, relationship, marriage and parenting changed. Hence, I realized that a lot of young ladies and men rushed into relationships, get married and start raising kids without being emotionally, financially, psychologically and even spiritually prepared for it. What for? All in a bid to soothe the society and have a sense of belonging! Then I ask myself What’s the rush for? Why will a single lady not celebrate herself enough just because society has a culture of shame? How do people wake up and start a relationship or marriage they are clearly not ready for?All these questions and many more kept me wondering and I am sure some of you might have had the same thoughts too.
Well, welcome to my world, where I know being happy, fulfilled, responsible, respected and having self-esteem has nothing to do with one’s marital status. Rather look inside of you, discover the real you and explore only then you would realize that marriage has never and can never be the reason you can achieve these qualities you truly desire in life. I love this quote by Emma Bombeck which says, and I quote, “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you are looking for, go live with a car battery”.
Sometimes a lot of ladies feel going into a relationship, marriage and parenting is the best route of escaping from chores at their parent’s or most importantly bearing the title Mrs. to throw it in the faces of their single friends, only for them to end up being disappointed because it was not all that they expected. Then, they end up more frustrated and confused than they were as singles.
But I pray that someday young unmarried women will learn how best to celebrate every moment of their lives. To all the single ladies out there, please raise your glass as we make a toast to better us. I celebrate every woman out there.
Well, this is brief and quite straight to the point. These discussions should be hammered down into the head of every young girl. Society will always be society. Live your life and live it to the fullest! With or without a man.
Looking forward to your articles as well. Just get in touch via email (asumadugertrude@yahoo.com).
I am sure for the past few weeks, most of us have seen on social media or if not heard of some celebrities including Kate Spades and Anthony Bourdain committing suicide.
It is safe to say that nobody really knows what pushed them into committing such an act (though some have linked it to depression)..but I am sure very soon, the reason will be unraveled or better put we may never know!
The truth is that we can say whatever we want that ‘Suicide is never the option‘ bla bla and all sorts but the main issue is people are going through A LOT in life whether celebrities or non-celebrities so once in a while it is important to ask yourself ‘Am I mentally healthy? Or this friend of mine…Is she Okay? She seems withdrawn these days…perhaps let me find out what could be bothering her/him?
In a world when it appears everyone is about their hustle or better put minding their business, it almost seems that we are all selfish when it comes to inquiring what our friends or loved ones are going through. But on the other side, are you someone people can confide in regarding whatever they are going through and not feel judged or even have to think twice because you might end up broadcasting their struggles with others? I believe that many people, especially in African societies, are always told to ‘Deal with it‘ because nobody really cares or ‘You are not the only going through this, so man up‘ and all sorts of words which are the least encouraging especially in that vulnerable moment…
Fast forward to a few weeks later when this same person commits suicide..you will now see these same people who were chastising him or her pouring all sorts of encomiums on the victim in question and how they could have opened upetc…
The truth is that we live in a society where the dead is more celebrated than the living…When it comes to all genres in the society…be it the music, movie industry etc…the pioneers/legends are hardly talked about or even celebrated for their achievements when they are still alive because oh they are old school and the young ones are the ones reigning..(yeah right!)…But let them die today…that is when you see how hypocritical we are…Probably this person’s living conditions were bad but nobody paid attention to that and probably told them the widely used phrase in the African society ‘God will provide‘… Since ‘God didn’t provide’ probably leading to depression and hence natural death or suicide then they would then be celebrated as heroes, heroines and what have you. May we start being the change we are all striving to see in our world.
The trend I have seen on social media after these celebrities committed suicide…are all sorts of posts saying ‘Be kind with your words‘, ‘Call this hotline’ ‘Speak up‘ etc…That is good..at least people are realizing that the mental state/wellbeing of people is paramount and as such should be treated with all seriousness. However, knowing the Africa society very well, I do hope we all walk the talk…When you see someone’s picture or something someone posted on social media and you don’t like it for whatever reason..before leaving that hateful comment think twice about how it will make that person feel (knowing the power of words). Before you troll a celebrity online, clap back, drag someone or whichever way you want to put it…just put yourself in their shoes and ask if it were me..how will I feel? And have I considered how it will affect that person emotionally? Do I even know this person’s mental state currently irrespective of the glamorous lifestyle and pictures they portray? If you feel you still need to go ahead and post whatever comment it is you have in mind…then you have no reason saying people should speak up or suicide is not an option…hence preaching without practicing.
Let us all do better in terms of being there for each other and creating an avenue where people will not feel mocked talking about their insecurities, fears, problems among others without feeling judged..Be Kind with your words especially to strangers online. Everyone is fighting a battle you have no idea of. The last thing you want to do is to be the cause of someone’s death because of your words.
A word to the wise they say is enough!
I hope you enjoyed today’s blog post. Enjoy the rest of the week!
If you would like to be a guest writer/contributor do drop a comment in the comment section or send me an email via asumadugertrude@yahoo.com and I will definitely get back to you.
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Gertrude says...... 