Few days ago, I watched the interview of Hollywood Actress, Regina King, as she opened up about her late son, Ian, who tragically passed away two years ago.
During the interview, Regina said something powerful which a lot of people resonated with ‘Grief is love that has nowhere to go‘. Whew! Profound! She is absolutely right!
A lot of people say, eventually the pain goes away – which I disagree with. When someone you truly care about or love passes, there is little chance that you won’t feel the pain ever again – maybe it reduces over time but as to it going away completely, NOPE!
Regina’s son died by suicide – a very sensitive topic I will delve into in a later post. Most of the time, people blame suicide victims and accuse them of being selfish – a senseless thing to say. But then again, these are opinions! Regina, again, did not blame Ian for taking his life but rather expressed how angry she felt towards God about the pain Ian carried – he did not deserve that. Also, she mentioned that she respects the fact that he did not want to be here anymore (Whew!). Obviously, she is still in the grieving process and may grieve for the rest of her life but the fact that she acknowledges her son’s struggles and respects the choice he made therein made me respect her so much!
The truth is nobody including yourself can prepare you for grief. I would have never thought that I would lose my grandma 3 days after I last saw her in 2021. Honestly, the biggest shock of my life. I cried once and did not cry again till a few days ago. I have been having flashbacks of growing up with her and the moments we shared together. She was a mother to me and her death has had an impact on me. I like to believe she is in a better place but it always isn’t easy even when I choose to think about it in that way.
My grandma was quite old, in her 80s but I wished she lived a bit longer. There were things I promised her that I never got the opportunity to do. I think for me that is what makes me more sad. But they say God knows best! I want to believe that but sometimes I just can’t. I loved my grandma so much – I wish I told her that more often and probably had the opportunity to spend more time with her in her last days – I would say I am blessed to have grown up with her and her taking care of me – despite her strong and complicated personality, I knew she loved me to bits.
They say acceptance is the last stage of grief – where you finally acknowledge that the person is gone forever and there is absolutely nothing you or anyone can do about it. You have to live with that. This is easier said than done because you will miss this person when you hear their favourite song or something that reminds you of them, their favourite movie, things you used to do together etc. yet they are nowhere to be found! How crazy is that? How do you live with that?
Towards the end of the interview, Regina mentioned that her favourite thing ever is being Ian’s mom. I love the way she still referred to him as though he was still alive – that may be her only way of dealing with grief. And one way or the other I can also say one of my favourite things ever is being my grandma’s granddaughter who she did not play with!
I miss her so much and wish I could have done more for her and that she was still here today – but she is in heaven now. I am glad she is resting in peace!
To whoever may be reading this, I hope you find a way to go through the grieving process and also find a way to live regardless of the pain or hurt. I can relate somewhat. But by God’s Grace, we will be fine. May the souls of all departed loved ones rest in peace!
Take care and I will see you soon with another post in a bit.
Gertrude says...... 